Why Keep Making Babies?
April 30, 2008 — lrubin39A femle friend of mine asked me a simple question today…
If a man clearly is not happy in a relationship, why does he keep making babies with the woman?
Unfortunately, we probably all know at least one couple whose relationship is rockier than the mountains. Yet, every year, they seem to be having another kid to add to the collection.
I think the reason behind this has to do with the motivations of the two parties involved.
Men will take what they can get. Regardless of the uncertainty of the relationship, if she will still sleep with him, he’ll take it! I don’t think he’s really thinking about the possibility of fathering another child…he’s just enjoying himself while he can.
Women, on the other hand, may use sex to try to keep him in the relationship. If she thinks that the good lovin’ will keep him there (until they work out the other issues), then she will put herself at risk to having another child. I would hate to think (and I know it happens) that a woman would get pregnant on purpose in order to keep connected to a man. In my opinion, using a child to keep a man, is about as irresponsible as it gets!
What do you think? Why do “couples” that can barely stand each other keep having babies together?
April 30, 2008 at 11:30 pm
I cant really call him my boyfriend, but the guy I am messing around with gets on my last nerve. But on the other hand, he knows how to treat my body. Right now in my life I have one man who takes care of my mind and another man to take care of my body. Everybody is happy.
April 30, 2008 at 11:59 pm
I am probably in the minority in my opinion on this issue, but I don’t think most of the accidental pregnancies are really accidents. I think that even though women had to fight for our reproductive rights, many women have, sadly, used our fertility as a weapon or as a means to keep a man around. I watched my friends use pregnancies as tools to get the men in their lives to commit. I’ve seen far too many use the tactic of getting pregnant, telling the guy hoping he will “act right” and then run to the clinic when things didn’t work out the way they wanted. I’m generalizing, of course, sometimes an oops is just an oops. Or sometimes women may sincerely be looking for love, albeit in a messed-up way.
What is interesting to me is that it seems that many unintentional pregnancies happen to people in poor relationships. Researchers believe it is because these couples lack communication skills and don’t talk about birth control and protection. I don’t know. I’d think if your relationship was on the rocks then you would do whatever you needed to do to try not to bring a kid into the mix.
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May 1, 2008 at 12:44 am
Cass, the reason unintentional pregnancies happen to people in poor relationships is because the physical connection is the most superficial one. Two complete strangers are physically able to have sex. (And our popular culture actually glamorizes casual sex.) In fact, both parties can ‘get theirs’, which is a very selfish approach to physical intimacy. However, a real connection is the result of listening, understanding and compromise–completely self-LESS acts.
May 1, 2008 at 12:55 am
Men are dogs! its that simple.
May 1, 2008 at 12:56 am
I’m about to get biblical; in Genesis, Leah did the same thing with Jacob. She kept making babies because she thought it would please Jacob and make him love her more. But of course, it did not. Children don’t make men love women. But getting the milk for free will keep a man around. It’s not really that deep, especially for men: we want sex, food and cable. Women have myriad needs, the greatest being love, security, and stability. Most women that I’ve talked to feel like a man will provide these needs after children come into the picture. SOME WILL; the vast majority of men will not.
In answering the question, though, I believe that couples continue to have babies to create a sort of “buffer” between them. If they can find some measure of joy in the childraising process, maybe they can stick it out with each other or at least make life at home bearable. They can spend time indulging their children rather than the mate. And having two children of my own, they are too expensive to just keep having, on purpose or by accident!!!
May 1, 2008 at 12:57 am
Very true, Da Truth. :o)
May 1, 2008 at 1:20 am
Thank you B.B. I think your answer is right on point and helps me to understand the male psyche a little better.
May 1, 2008 at 2:29 am
Excuse me if I sound rude, but the young/old lady anonymous, you are playing yourself! As long as continue to satisfy a man who gets on your nerves, but give him what he wants…you will never get the respect you deserve.
The milk is free so he will never respect you! You are making it hard for the good quality women of the world today. You aren’t happy, you’re confused and living in sin. Sooner or later you will desire a good man but then you will be a high mileage clunker, the good man will not want you so think about what you’re doing sister.
My 2 cents!!!
May 1, 2008 at 4:03 am
There is no way I am going to continue to sleep with someone who I can barely stand , let alone have babis with him and bring them in the middle of our madness! Its just selfish and wrong on all accounts. If two adults have such an arrangement …then so be it. Why bring innocent children into the mix?
May 1, 2008 at 6:48 am
WOW! I think that if we continue to prepetuate this cycle our children will believe that this is acceptable conduct. This plays itself out in our courts and in our classroom, etc., etc.
Children should not be brought into the word as a result of adults playing games…in such cases the adults are simply “playing themselves”
May 6, 2008 at 3:28 am
you know, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. I believe this sums it up.
May 10, 2008 at 2:48 am
There are ALOT of stupid women out there that get pregnant on purpose to try to keep a man. We all know that doesnt work but it does cause alot of hassle and forces that women to have a reason to still be in his life and there are desperate women out there that that little centimeter of hope is enough for them. Men need to start wearing condoms more…women need to grow up and get on birth control…or better yet…keep their legs closed! Its just crazy that in 2008 women are still having kids for sport and men are still not wearing condoms!
Signed,
Girl w/ a boyfriend who has a pregnant ex-girlfriend