Keep this Between You and Me…and the World Wide Web

With a small level of apprehension (and curiosity), I am taking the recommendation of one of our bloggers. 

Inspired by the transparency of the After 7 Club, this blogger enjoyed the freedom in confessing anonymously.  So here’s the deal…

Today will be a day of anonymous only confession.  Here’s your opportunity to confess any secret or “sin” you’ve committed.  You must sum it up in no more than 5-7  words, and you can’t share anything that incriminates anyone else.  This is YOUR CONFESSION!

For example… I swam naked in Bermuda.

Or.. I constantly desire drugs & sex.  I’m a Christian.

Or..I had an affair last year.

OK.  Let’s see how it goes…

Not Tonight, Honey

In response to yesterday’s very interesting blog, B left the following comment…

“it’s something about saying “I Do” that puts shopping over sex…All the married men out there know exactly what I am talking about…”

I don’t mean to put words in his mouth, but there’s an implication there that suggests that the response might be different if the question is asked BEFORE the couple gets married.  In other words, sex is better–in quality AND quantity–before the marriage.

If that is true (and I’d be interested to hear if you agree), why do you think that is the case?

Let me make myself clear: I believe that sex is to occur among individuals married to each other.  My intent here is to have a meaningful “dialogue” that confronts an issue among married couples that is rarely properly addressed.

Essentially the question is, Do you believe that the sexual relationship tends to get worse, and not better, over the course of the marriage?  And if so, why?

Shopping or Sex?

CNN reported this morning that, based on a survey of South African women, women prefer shopping over having sex.  (see article)

In this “Fantasy Survey” promoted by a drinks company, 45% said they valued shopping over sex. Only 26% voted the other way round.

Ladies….

First, let me know if you agree.  And then, explain why you would rather buy shoes than spend a little “quality time” with your husbands.

Gentlemen, any insights you may have on the issue are welcomed, as well.

(This should be a good one!)

If I Should Die, Before I Wake

Now I lay me down to sleep.  I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.

Do you remember that prayer as a child?

I need to take our discussion a little deeper today.

In just the last 2 days, I’ve heard the sad news of at least 3 individuals dying at very young ages–two of them in their sleep.  Early 40s.  Early 50s.  People with families…leaving children behind.  I realize that death is an inevitable part of life, but I don’t want it coming any sooner than it has to for me and mine. 

When I heard that one of the individuals that passed dealt with sleep apnea (learn more), my heart dropped!  Why?  Because that same morning, my wife got on my case about my poor sleeping. 

I work hard.  I do my best to provide for my family.  I’ll get up early and stay up late, if necessary.  And, I’m sad to say that I will often do this at the expense of my own health.  I’m sure I’m not the only one that refuses to get something checked out, or follow through with the procedure, or do the necessary exercises.  But here’s what I’m learning…

Failing to take care of your health is irresponsible!

Please engage in the necessary prevention, detection, and correction activities as it relates to your health.  You are going to die at some point, but don’t speed the process along by being irresponsible with your health.

Preachers: Tell the Truth (about your finances)

Thanks C-Cut and Dwayne for sharing information on this.  (Click here to see article)

Sen. Charles Grassley (R-Iowa), head of the Senate Finance Committee, has requested the financial records of a number of prominent television evangelists.

Grassley requested financial records from Pastor Creflo Dollar, Bishop Eddie Long–both from the Atlanta area, the Rev. Benny Hinn of Texas, Kenneth and Gloria Copeland of Texas, Randy and Paula White of Florida and David and Joyce Meyer of Missouri.

Bishop Eddie Long said that he will comply with Grassley’s request.  However, The Rev. Creflo Dollar of World Changers Church International wants to know if Grassley or the committee has authority to request the records, and if the request infringes on religious liberty.

Grassley says that he wants to ensure money spent on the lifestyles of the rich and famous ministers falls within the boundaries of tax codes and that donors’ money is going where they expect.

So, what do you think? Should mega-churches around the country be audited?

Trick or Treat

Last night, Hasani recorded a very interesting discussion on the Christian’s response to Halloween (Click here to listen).

Is the day a big trick, designed to get the world to connect with pagan elements?  Or is it a harmless treat for our young people to dress up and gather candy?

With the “holiday” just a day away, how do you approach the day, particularly as it relates to the children in your life?

Church: The Greatest Show on Earth

Yesterday (Labor Day), I attended my church’s annual cookout.  I had a really good time.  I ate.  I played.  I even fished a little in the lake at the park.

It was really nice to interact with people in a very relaxed setting.  The setting was very casual and I got a chance to interact with fellow church members–but not in a church setting.  At the end of the day, as I got a chance to reflect, this thought came to me:

The best actors in the world can be found in church services.

Let me elaborate.  There’s something about meeting at church that invites people to turn into actors.  There’s something that happens at church that produces this strange “theatrical” environment that a lot of people get sucked into. 

I saw sides of people in the relaxed environment at the cookout that are normally buried beneath a costume of pretense when they come to church.  Folks who are so “churchy” while at church were engaging, open, and just plain real.  It was so refreshing!

Help me out…why are most people so fake when they come to church?  Why don’t people feel comfortable enough to just be themselves?

See Ya!

In response to my posting on Decisions, anonymous dropped the following comment,

“I finally realize I married the wrong person. I made my decision off of
romance (Fantasy). Reality is coming to light and now I realize I have
become what I am supposed to be and my spouse is mad cause we can’t live in Wonderland anymore. I can’t satisfy my spouse’s emotions nor her dreams. What can I do to get out of this bad decision? everyone in the real world says
she is killing me and my family. “

It sounds like someone else is trying to end a marriage.

I am becoming extremely disturbed by the number of marriages I see ending in separation and divorce. I don’t have the time to research the statistics, but I don’t think we need the statistics. Each one of us can just look around at our own personal network of friends and family and see examples.

Let me say this: I’ve been married 12 years now, and not one of those years has gone by that where I didn’t want to pack my bags and roll out. And I’m sure my wife would say the same. I think any honest husband or wife would admit that such a sentiment comes up every now and then.

Marriage is tough. So tough that you’ll wanted to quit and say, “It’s just not worth it!” Marriage is arguably the most difficult of all human relationships. It’s not just about fantasy and romance. It’s about commitment and sacrifice…and endurance.

So yes, I am a strong proponent of whatever it takes to make our marriages work. No, I don’t think anyone should remain in abusive relationships, but I think, as a culture, we’ve gotten real soft as to what we call abuse.

Find a way to make it work so that both parties are excited again about the relationship. We owe it to ourselves, our children, our communities to make our marriages work.

A Little Advice For a Frustrated Wife

Given the information provided, how would you counsel a woman in her situation…

I have been married for almost 8 years, and my husband just can’t keep a job! I don’t think he’s held a job longer than a year. In fact, there have been times when he doesn’t work for 12 months.

Needless to say, I work. I have no choice! And I really don’t mind working–but with 4 kids, it is really a strain trying to work and keep up my home. Without a steady income from my husband, I can’t afford to pay the bills, put food on the table, and buy all the clothes they need. It’s simply impossible.

Since my children are a little older now, I decided to pick up a part-time job to try to help ends meet. But my husband really doesn’t like me working at night. So, that has created a lot of tension between us.

My husband has never put his hands on me, but sometimes I really feel like I’m being abused. He takes advantage of me because he knows that I’m not going to let our children go without.

We have separated a few times in the past, and each time, we get back together to try to make the marriage work. We are both Christians, and we met with our pastor a number of times. All he tells us to do is stay together and work it out. (Not a whole lot of practical advice if you ask me…) We are both very faithful in our church–always praising God. And to be honest, this is another cause for my anger. Even though my husband constantly hears about how a husband is supposed to work and take care of his family, very little changes in terms of his behavior.

What am I supposed to do? I am always stressed out and the stress is starting to affect me physically.

Everybody Happy?

Brian and I worked on this entry. I hope it resonates…

My brother just moved from New Jersey to Tulsa, Oklahoma–roughly 1300 miles away.

Obviously, such a drastic move was a very difficult decision for him. There are a number of people–family members and friends–that have been impacted by the move. And for various reasons, not everyone is happy about it.

When big decisions come up, not only do we consider how OUR LIVES will change, we also try to predict the impact our decision will have on OTHERS.

In my pursuit of happiness, I don’t want the decisions I make to impact others in such a way that I damage the relationships that I value.

However, the fear of the unknown impact on others often keeps us from making those difficult decisions.

I know that I’ll never make a decision that makes everybody happy. But, how much do I factor in the impact on others when making big decisions for my own life?