All Men Want the Same Thing

For all the women out there trying to keep a happy home, (and for all you women out there that have no clue), maybe this article will help.

What Keeps A Man Crazy in Love?

The article lists 12 things that a woman should do to keep her man crazy in love:

Play Poker, Give the Perfect Backrub, Tie His Tie for him, Make a Mean Steak for him, Wake him up in the Morning, Give him a Barbershop Shave, Strip, Have a conversation with his boss, Throw him a surprise party, Leave him a sexy voicemail at work, Quote at least three lines from The Godfather, Make heart-melting chocolate-chip cookies, and Kick his style up a notch.

I find it interesting that, although no two men are alike, there are some general ground-rules regarding what most men are looking for from their wives.  Despite cultural or ethnic differences, socio-economic variations, and even various age groups, most of things on the list seem to resonate with men across the board.

Are men that homogenous?  Are we that simple to figure out?

What do you think?

 

Love = Risk

Yesterday, Cass said, “I’d rather avoid the likelihood of hurt than to experience the possibility of joy.“  That is the choice that many people make.

Likelihoods and possibilities.  The bottom line is that love comes down to taking a risk.

However, the risk is not whether or not we’ll be hurt by the people we let in–because pain in a relationship is INEVITABLE.  Even the most loving companion is not perfect, and will do something hurtful at some point in the relationship. 

Rather, the real risk is letting someone in that does not have the ability to properly care for your heart.  Not everyone that loves you is able to handle the responsibility of caring for your heart.

Maybe this analogy will help:  Even if my 5 year-old child loves me–worships the ground I walk on–it doesn’t mean that the child is equipped to properly care for my precious diamond collection.  Even if they understand the value, they may not have developed the skills yet!  The fact that they love me has nothing to do with their ability to care for my stuff properly.

I’m learning that just because a person can take good care of themself, doesn’t mean they have the necessary skills to properly care for my heart, if given access.  Maybe that’s what AG meant yesterday when he suggested that we check a person’s “Character FICO score” before granting access to your heart.

Sure.  Be certain that the people you let in are competent and caring enough to treat your heart properly.  But don’t go through life avoiding all likelihoods of pain.  It may feel safe, but it’ll be very lonely.

Walls that Keep Love Out

Thanks for the comments on yesterday’s blog.  Emotional health (wholeness) is a very interesting subject to me.

I am amazed at how emotionally unhealthy most of us are. 

Shawna commented yesterday that, unlike children, “adults have all these walls and issues that keep (others) from getting in.“ 

Well, the walls didn’t grow by themselves.  They were strategically built to protect the heart of the builder from getting hurt again.  When a heart is broken, the walls go up.  When the walls go up, people can’t get in.  Soon, you’ve got a very lonely individual!

Call me crazy, but I believe it is our nature to love.  I believe that we were born with a natural inclination to be concerned about other people. 

It is after being hurt and deceived that we start making arguments for the futility of love.  It is after getting dogged out that we convince ourselves that we don’t need anybody, and that we can be fine all by ourselves.

For those who feel that the love you extend to others is rarely, if ever, reciprocated, I suggest you look to see if you’ve built any walls around your heart. 

It may be YOUR FAULT that the love is not getting in.

The Gift of Love

Today is Valentine’s Day! 

And already I’ve been asked, “Do you have any ideas on what I can give my girl for Valentine’s Day?”

Needless to say, the fact that you are just now asking the question is a problem.  But the other problem, thanks in part to Hallmark, is that the obligation seems to fall men to do something, while there’s is little or no obligation on the women to give their men something!  (But that’s a subject for another blog.)

Here’s what I’d like to know…What is the best gift that you’ve ever received (or given) for Valentine’s Day? 

Maybe our discussion will provoke some ideas for our last-minute lovers!

Why Men Don’t Talk

Here we go…our favorite topic…love and relationships!

Someone shared an article with me today entitled, Why Men Don’t Talk.

Ladies, how often are you frustrated at your mate’s silence when it comes to any meaningful discussion about his feelings?  “Before we got married, we talked on the phone all night.  Now, I can barely get 3 words out of him.  Maybe he doesn’t love me anymore.”

Men, how crazy do you get when your mate perceives your silence as a lack of love and concern?  “If you loved me, you would open up to me.  You don’t seem to have any problem talking to your boys!”

As always, I honestly believe that a lot of the issues facing relationships today are rooted in a lack of understanding.  More often than not, that lack of understanding is the result of mis-communication.

And I’m still learning that men and women really do have significantly different communication styles.

Check out the article and let me know what you think.

Do as I Say, Not as I Do

A friend of mine was asked the following question by his daughter recently….

“Daddy, why do grown ups tell kids to be nice to each other, when they (grown ups) are not nice to each another?”

There’s a couple things going on in this question:

1. The child (and I’m not sure how old the child is), is perceptive enough to know that grown-ups say one thing, but often do something completely different.

2. Consequently, the child also recognizes that there’s a problem when a person’s behavior doesn’t match up with their words…Hence the question, “Why?” 

She didn’t ask, “Why are grown-ups mean to other?”  Rather, she clearly wants to know why grown-ups don’t practice what they preach.

I have a friend who would often say, “Your actions speak so loudly, I can’t hear a word you say.” 

Let me ask you something…Do you practice what you preach?  Are your actions consistent with your words?

Here We Go Again…GIFT BAGS!

I’ve taken great effort to avoid “recycling” blog entries.  There’s enough that happens in our lives that I don’t have to repeat topics over and over.

However…

I had a discussion this morning with co-workers about GIFT BAGS.  We’re having a little holiday party today which includes exchanging small gifts.  The conversation went from the challenges of wrapping presents to gift bags.

There’s a number of people who have joined the blog since we did that piece, so I think you’ll enjoy it.  And for those of you who remember the story, I’m sure you can use a good laugh.

So, without further ado, the Gift Bag story…

Mars, Venus, and a Gift Bag.

The Way You Make Me Feel

For the last two days, the blog has addressed issues related to violence.  As I thought this morning about sticking with that them, I heard about the shooting in Las Vegas.  Six high school students were shot getting off their school bus.  They believe the shooting was in retaliation of a fight that occurred earlier that day at school over a girl.

To be perfectly honest, I’m sick of hearing, and talking, about violence.  And since I’m a lover, and not a fighter….let’s use these recent incidents to talk about love.

I’ve noticed that most of the people that commit these crimes are individuals that don’t feel loved.  They are the “outcasts” of society, the “loners”, the ones that don’t fit in.  And here’s what I’ve learned about love,

Love is less about how you feel about another person.  It is more about how a person makes you feel ABOUT YOURSELF.

Think about it.  You could be with the greatest person in the world.  But if they treated you like dirt, you probably wouldn’t feel loved.  And I believe the opposite is true.  You could be with some that the world considers a loser, but that person can treat you right and make you feel like the most loved person on earth!

Spread a little love today.  Make somebody you love feel special!

Dumb Wisdom

I heard a conversation recently about the disconnect that appears to exist between generations.  Young people were expressing their disappointment with their “elders” for not being open, honest, and candid about some of their experiences.  They felt that these “mature” individuals had experienced some some challenging situations, but were not forthright nor open about some of those experiences. 

As a result, the young people felt that they fell victim to stuff that could have been avoided had they been counseled properly.

Naturally, the “elders” responded by stating that they’ve tried to give advice and counsel, but “these young folks just don’t listen!”

As an outsider–and not a participant–in this conversation, I made the following observation:

Young people don’t just want advice and counsel (”Here’s what you ought to do…”).  Rather, they would prefer transparent testimonies (Here’s what I’ve been through…”).  The distinction here is critical.  By opening up and sharing your story with me, you actually earn my trust.  Lessons alone are not nearly as effective as are lessons accompanied by personal experience.

What do you think?  Have our elders been dumb, meaning silent, with the wisdom they’ve gained from their experiences?

Men Changing Diapers

Alanna,

Thanks for sharing this…I needed it!

(click image to play video)