Affirmation

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas!  I took a few days off from writing, but for some reason, I just can’t stop thinking…

Do you feel affirmed?  Do you feel like other people properly recognize your existence and value as a human being?

Or do you feel ignored, over-looked, or–at best–tolerated?

The holidays for me is a very special time.  I am blessed to enjoy the company of friends and family that not only love me, but are good at communicating their love.

However, I realize that the holidays can be a very difficult time for others (for a variety of reasons).  One of which includes the fact that they don’t feel affirmed.  They feel like they don’t have others in their life that properly celebrate their existence.

Here’s what I’ve learned, it’s hard to expect anyone else to affirm you until you’ve properly affirmed yourself.  Please understand that you really are somebody special–full of gifts, talents, and most importantly–love.  So, even when others appear to overlook you, realize that you were created for a purpose and your life has tremendous value.

Not Tonight, Honey

In response to yesterday’s very interesting blog, B left the following comment…

“it’s something about saying “I Do” that puts shopping over sex…All the married men out there know exactly what I am talking about…”

I don’t mean to put words in his mouth, but there’s an implication there that suggests that the response might be different if the question is asked BEFORE the couple gets married.  In other words, sex is better–in quality AND quantity–before the marriage.

If that is true (and I’d be interested to hear if you agree), why do you think that is the case?

Let me make myself clear: I believe that sex is to occur among individuals married to each other.  My intent here is to have a meaningful “dialogue” that confronts an issue among married couples that is rarely properly addressed.

Essentially the question is, Do you believe that the sexual relationship tends to get worse, and not better, over the course of the marriage?  And if so, why?

Shopping or Sex?

CNN reported this morning that, based on a survey of South African women, women prefer shopping over having sex.  (see article)

In this “Fantasy Survey” promoted by a drinks company, 45% said they valued shopping over sex. Only 26% voted the other way round.

Ladies….

First, let me know if you agree.  And then, explain why you would rather buy shoes than spend a little “quality time” with your husbands.

Gentlemen, any insights you may have on the issue are welcomed, as well.

(This should be a good one!)

Enough is Enough!

I receieved some interesting comments on yesterday’s blog, Brokenhearted.  In particular, anonymous shared some thoughts and asked me to comment on them.  I’m no Dr. Phil, but I do have some insights I’d like to share.

 Anonymous stated,

I was trying to love with a broken heart. Betrayal after betrayal I tried the “what would Jesus do”, counseling, both spiritual and other wise and finally, one day, I had to say enough is enough. I stayed thru things most people would NEVER entertain for one second because I thought that was my place. I have learned that people only do what you let them. I was running around trying to make sure I was doing my part; making certain I wasn’t the problem and yet my counterpart was not seeking to accept any responsibility for his behavior. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown because I was trying to love but couldn’t honestly heal because nothing was being worked on. I wanted Jesus and counseling to help us thru but take note only “I” wanted it. The issues don’t go away unless 2 people are working on them together!

1. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  Sometimes we want help fixing situations that we never should have gotten ourselves into.  Not everyone is willing to make the sacrifices necessary to sustain a lasting relationship–they are just selfish.  Don’t marry those people!  You really do need two people working, not just on the relationship, but on themselves as well. 

2. Marriage should be the union of two whole (complete) individuals.  Yes, one person can complement the other in a marriage. That is healthy.  If one person is a spender, I pray the other is a saver.  If one person is abstract, then the other probably needs to be a bit more ‘concrete’.  However, both individuals should be able to stand on their own as independent single people.  When there is dependence (I CANNOT live without this person, or I NEED to be in a relationship to feel complete), the atmosphere is ripe for abuse.  A person must be comfortable and secure with their singleness in order to make an effective partner in marriage.

3. Healing cannot occur in the midst of continued abuse.  Sports injuries don’t heal if you keep playing on them.  You must get out of the game.  I was reading another blog about domestic violence, and the author stated, “thousands of pastors regularly dismiss domestic violence and send women back into dangerous situations. With “saving the marriage” as the highest aim, these pastors seek to prevent divorce at all costs. Women receive the subtle message that their pain – or even their lives — are not as important as keeping the marriage intact.” 

I believe in marriage.  I believe that any successful marriage requires a lot of sacrafice, and will cause a great deal of pain.  Love just hurts sometimes.  However, I do not believe, AT ALL, in abuse and/or neglect–mental, physical, sexual, or financial.  It is never anyone’s place to remain in an abusive relationship. 

At some point, enough is enough!